R.I.P. My Cell Phone.... was it raptured?
I don't guess my cell phone went to heaven, because its corpse is still here. Lifeless, its familiar little face dark. It started last night, when the Low Battery began to cough, getting weaker and weaker until it finally fell silent. All life-saving measures were taken -- it was hooked up the recharger -- but to no avail. It's gone.
I'd like to take a moment to mourn its passing. Truly, it's in a better place now, to be recycled (if possible) for the Women's Shelter. Sort of like reincarnation for cell phones. And it was very, very old. Almost ten years, which in today's modern technology, is like... a zillion years old.
Friends would see me pull it out and ask why it wasn't in a museum. I took it into the T-Mobile store about a month ago, and I could tell the clerk was trying not to laugh when I laid it on the counter.
The reason I was in the phone store a month ago was because Rex had just gotten a fancy-schmancy top of the line 4G super agent cell phone that does everything except your taxes. (But I suspect there is an AP for that....)
People with new phones are annoying as hell to those of us who fear and shun change. For the first couple of months, every time you look at them, they are fiddling with something on their damned phone. If a question like "who was that guy that played Ferris Bueller's best friend Cameron?" pops up in conversation, they won't just take your word for it that it was Alan Ruck. No. They gotta go look it up.... and then inevitably, something else catches their eye, and they're saying something like, "Wow, Lyndsay Lohan just mugged a poodle on Rodeo Drive...."
I'm just glad Rex has stopped playing Scrabble at the dinner table. Seriously. Now, if I can just detach him from text messaging.
I already spend half of my life on this damned computer, and begin shaking and scratching like an addict in heroin withdrawal when I go out of town and don't have access for more than 24 hours. But as much as I love the computer and the internet, the last thing I need is a device that allows me to carry my addiction around everywhere I go. I do not need to Tweet or post my FB status saying: "I am standing in line at Kroger...." There is no email important enough that I need to take my feet out of the stirrups at the doctor's office and say, "excuse me, I just need to answer this real quick..." Nor do I need to see the latest from LOLCats while doing something really important, like shopping at Hobby Lobby.
I do admit, I am kinda jealous of Rex's new phone. It's very cool, and does a lot of neat stuff. Access to Mapquest on the go would be a God-send to me, directionally-challenged as I am.
However, I think the APs have kinda jumped the shark tank. Seriously.... he's got an AP that allows his phone to function as a flashlight. And there's one that shows him on GPS exactly where he is at any given moment. We were driving down Gallatin Pike (I'm driving) and he held out the phone excitedly to say, "Look! It knows we're at the red light at Two Mile Parkway!"
To which I say, "Honey... I already KNOW we're at the red light at Two Mile Parkway... why do you need a $400 dollar phone to tell you where you are?"
My phone was so old, I had to text the old fashioned way with the key pad -- painfully, slowly. Seriously, it took five minutes and a lot of cussing to text: "I don't know where your socket set is." (And often, it came out "i do@n t knooo were ur sock is."
I only texted if somebody sent me a message requiring an answer, and then the most I had patience for was "OK" or "NO." If you wanted any more detailed response from me, you had damned well better just pick up the phone and call.
Part of me wanted a new phone, but I kept putting it off because I dreaded facing the 214 decisions I'd have to make to purchase a new one, and the trauma of decoding all the technical babble of features and pricing plans.
Today I spent an hour trying to decide if I wanted a keyboard or not. (Yes.) Well, then... what kind? One that slides out from the side, or one that is actually on the face of the phone? (I went for one that slide out from the side, not the bottom, because the keys on the bottom style were microscopic. Seriously, who do they think can actually use a key that small? All those angels who can dance on the head of a pin, maybe.)
Did I want a touch screen? Internet connection? Music downloads? Did I want to pay extra for a lifetime warranty? Did I need a protective cover that would also enhance my image while expressing my individuality? Blue Tooth? (I still don't know exactly what the hell Blue Tooth is, except that it allows people to walk around talking to themselves looking like Uhura from Star Trek.)
Luckily (or unluckily, depending on your point of view) being unemployed and on a tight budget, I couldn't be tempted to go for a fancy 4G one. ( I could afford the phone, just not the monthly service charges, which would make my T-Mobile bill compete with my mortgage payment.)
Then came the one decision I was looking forward to. What COLOR phone did I want?
Only to find myself with two choices in the model I finally decided on. Blue -- my least favorite color in the entire spectrum, the one color I actually LOATHE -- or a white and pea-green metallic. No pink. No red. Sigh. I chose the pea-green metallic, though I think it sort of looks like it should belong to a twelve year old.
Finally at home, I spent the last two hours trying to figure out how to find my phone book, then trying to discover where the scroll key was. Twice I reset the language to French by accident. I even called a couple of you, though not intentionally. Yes, that call that rang five times and then hung up, that was me. Finally I succeeded in calling Rex and leaving voice mail.
He called me right back, and after frantic fumbling, I was actually able to answer it before he hung up.
So... now I can text. But that doesn't mean I want to. Call me. Or better yet.... email me.
I'd like to take a moment to mourn its passing. Truly, it's in a better place now, to be recycled (if possible) for the Women's Shelter. Sort of like reincarnation for cell phones. And it was very, very old. Almost ten years, which in today's modern technology, is like... a zillion years old.
Friends would see me pull it out and ask why it wasn't in a museum. I took it into the T-Mobile store about a month ago, and I could tell the clerk was trying not to laugh when I laid it on the counter.
The reason I was in the phone store a month ago was because Rex had just gotten a fancy-schmancy top of the line 4G super agent cell phone that does everything except your taxes. (But I suspect there is an AP for that....)
People with new phones are annoying as hell to those of us who fear and shun change. For the first couple of months, every time you look at them, they are fiddling with something on their damned phone. If a question like "who was that guy that played Ferris Bueller's best friend Cameron?" pops up in conversation, they won't just take your word for it that it was Alan Ruck. No. They gotta go look it up.... and then inevitably, something else catches their eye, and they're saying something like, "Wow, Lyndsay Lohan just mugged a poodle on Rodeo Drive...."
I'm just glad Rex has stopped playing Scrabble at the dinner table. Seriously. Now, if I can just detach him from text messaging.
I already spend half of my life on this damned computer, and begin shaking and scratching like an addict in heroin withdrawal when I go out of town and don't have access for more than 24 hours. But as much as I love the computer and the internet, the last thing I need is a device that allows me to carry my addiction around everywhere I go. I do not need to Tweet or post my FB status saying: "I am standing in line at Kroger...." There is no email important enough that I need to take my feet out of the stirrups at the doctor's office and say, "excuse me, I just need to answer this real quick..." Nor do I need to see the latest from LOLCats while doing something really important, like shopping at Hobby Lobby.
I do admit, I am kinda jealous of Rex's new phone. It's very cool, and does a lot of neat stuff. Access to Mapquest on the go would be a God-send to me, directionally-challenged as I am.
However, I think the APs have kinda jumped the shark tank. Seriously.... he's got an AP that allows his phone to function as a flashlight. And there's one that shows him on GPS exactly where he is at any given moment. We were driving down Gallatin Pike (I'm driving) and he held out the phone excitedly to say, "Look! It knows we're at the red light at Two Mile Parkway!"
To which I say, "Honey... I already KNOW we're at the red light at Two Mile Parkway... why do you need a $400 dollar phone to tell you where you are?"
My phone was so old, I had to text the old fashioned way with the key pad -- painfully, slowly. Seriously, it took five minutes and a lot of cussing to text: "I don't know where your socket set is." (And often, it came out "i do@n t knooo were ur sock is."
I only texted if somebody sent me a message requiring an answer, and then the most I had patience for was "OK" or "NO." If you wanted any more detailed response from me, you had damned well better just pick up the phone and call.
Part of me wanted a new phone, but I kept putting it off because I dreaded facing the 214 decisions I'd have to make to purchase a new one, and the trauma of decoding all the technical babble of features and pricing plans.
Today I spent an hour trying to decide if I wanted a keyboard or not. (Yes.) Well, then... what kind? One that slides out from the side, or one that is actually on the face of the phone? (I went for one that slide out from the side, not the bottom, because the keys on the bottom style were microscopic. Seriously, who do they think can actually use a key that small? All those angels who can dance on the head of a pin, maybe.)
Did I want a touch screen? Internet connection? Music downloads? Did I want to pay extra for a lifetime warranty? Did I need a protective cover that would also enhance my image while expressing my individuality? Blue Tooth? (I still don't know exactly what the hell Blue Tooth is, except that it allows people to walk around talking to themselves looking like Uhura from Star Trek.)
Luckily (or unluckily, depending on your point of view) being unemployed and on a tight budget, I couldn't be tempted to go for a fancy 4G one. ( I could afford the phone, just not the monthly service charges, which would make my T-Mobile bill compete with my mortgage payment.)
Then came the one decision I was looking forward to. What COLOR phone did I want?
Only to find myself with two choices in the model I finally decided on. Blue -- my least favorite color in the entire spectrum, the one color I actually LOATHE -- or a white and pea-green metallic. No pink. No red. Sigh. I chose the pea-green metallic, though I think it sort of looks like it should belong to a twelve year old.
Finally at home, I spent the last two hours trying to figure out how to find my phone book, then trying to discover where the scroll key was. Twice I reset the language to French by accident. I even called a couple of you, though not intentionally. Yes, that call that rang five times and then hung up, that was me. Finally I succeeded in calling Rex and leaving voice mail.
He called me right back, and after frantic fumbling, I was actually able to answer it before he hung up.
So... now I can text. But that doesn't mean I want to. Call me. Or better yet.... email me.